In certainty...

L dreamt that he was dying. Cancer. 

He was told that he had only a few weeks. L wasn't afraid of death as it had become a certainty. The certainty was an assurance, and a reminder to love those he treasure. And then in the dream,  L saw R.

In that moment L saw that R would have let go of him one day. 

R knew in certainty that H would not be around anymore.  What could she do in the face of such certainty?  R wished that it was not that certain.  R wished she could still hope. But now she could only learn to let go.

L suddenly realised that he was already dead and yet he still held on to the memory of R as if he was still alive. But R's memory of him would transform and maybe fade off. They would be in different dimensions of existence. H woke up and felt a deep sadness of that certainty of loss and letting go.

苦闷的鲁迅

鲁迅；


＂其实我的意见也一时不容易了然，因为其中含有许多矛盾，教我自己说，或者是人道主义与个人主义消常起伏罢。所以我忽而爱人，忽而憎人；做事的时候，有时确为别人，有时却为自己玩玩，有时竟因为希望生命从速消磨，所以拼命的做。＂